Friday, July 6, 2012

The End of my 20's


Today is the last day of my 20's. Tomorrow I will be 30 years old. In my 20's I have been through a lot. I graduated from college in 2004 In moved to Oregon and lived completely independently from my mother. In 2005 I moved to Minneapolis. Left the church in 2006 In 2007 my father died. In 2008, I got pneumonia and mono and lost my job. I also started at target again. In 2009 my mother died. In 2010 I was a shell of my self. In 2011 I accepted a position at Target HQ In 2011 I also started dating my boyfriend Jamie In 2012, we are still together and I am very happy. This is not very descriptive, however I am a strong woman, who is self aware and independent.

Sunday, February 5, 2012

Its been a while

I have not posted any thing on this blog in ages. I have to say that my life has changed greatly in the past few years. I am in love with a wonderful man, I have a great career and I generally love my life. However, I still doubt the permanence of most things in my life, because it is not the standard. So I will just have to hope that, I will not lose what I love once again. So lets cheer to permanence, and stability and love...

Sunday, May 22, 2011

Things that are, Things that always will be

There are certain truths that I have accepted. My emotional climate will be rocky, always. My heart will always feel heavy, and I will always love with every fiber of my being my friends. The things that are, are my friends are my closest family. My parents are dead, so every time I meet a persons parents I cling to them with an unnatural fascination. I want to see them parent, I want to be their child, I want to see the unconditional love they have for their children. I want what I have lost.

I think I will always feel a little out of place, a little disjointed and unconnected. Its a feeling I do not know how to overcome just yet.

Saturday, May 21, 2011

Dandelions in the Graveyard





The other day as my bus passed the graveyard, like it does every morning. The sun was rising and it was breath taking. I saw on the graves of the many souls that lie there, dandelions. When the yellow was enhanced by the sunlight which was a brilliant color of orange and yellows I saw beauty that brought me to tears. It is completely ridiculous that this would make me cry but it took my breath away.

Saturday, January 1, 2011

2011

When all else fails, when love is lost, when pain is the only thing holding you together decide to keep going. I loved, and loved wholly. Its a risk, I took it and got hurt. It happens but as much as I want to give up, as much as I want to become a spinster and burn everything he ever touched, I am better for the experience. I am stronger and ready to move on to someone who wants to be with me, to be seen with me, to love with me and to experience life with me. I will not give my self to another person who will only see me as a passing phase. I wish the same for everyone in 2011.